Up Your Alley Fair
San Francisco, July 27, 2008
Part 2
[This is Part 2 of a two-part report about the 2008 Up Your Alley
Fair in San Francisco. If you somehow arrived at this page without
having first seen Part 1, please return to the main Up Your Alley selection page.]
Unlike the first part of this report, Part 2 is not about politics and
sex and beer: it's just about funny and interesting pictures. So you
don't have to brace yourself for more explicit scenes. Not that I'm
saying this page is G-rated -- far from it -- but this half of the
report is more of a lighthearted take on the Up Your Alley Fair.
Years from now, someone's going to write their PhD thesis about this picture.
It's a little hard to see, but this guy had the words "Decency Sucks" written on both of his arms.
Sometimes, testicles simply need adjustment.
And then there were the Mystery Huddles. All up and down the street,
wherever I went in the fair, men would gather in small clusters and
do...something. I could never quite figure out what the Mystery
Huddles were for. Perhaps my mistake was thinking they were all for the
same purpose. Maybe each one was unique. For example, from the motions
of the participants, this one seemed have something to do with anal sex.
Frottage?
Sometimes a Mystery Huddle would part to reveal nothing much happening at all.
Let's Play Dress-Up
The Up Your Alley Fair is also known for the creative fetish costumes
worn by many of the participants. I'm not sure if people put on these
outfits because they find them sexually arousing, or if they just like
wearing Halloween costumes. Either way, here's a selection of the many
costume themes I spotted:
The "Boy Scout" look was very popular. Not sure why.
Then there was the "vaguely Hitlerian Boy Scout" look.
Here's a Scout leader in "Troop 69" wearing a utility kilt and hugging a Highway Patrolman.
Speaking of which: The next most popular look was "law enforcement." All
sorts of agencies were represented, from the California Highway
Patrol...
...to the New York City Police Department (yes, this is "Piss Cop" shown
in Part 1, stocking up his bladder for another soaking)...
...to a not-very-believable Los Angeles cop.
This was actually my favorite costume of all: Naked Hillbilly. The
obsolete 2-megapixel camera -- something only a real hillbilly would
have -- lent a perfect touch of authenticity.
Keep movin', movin', movin'
Though they're disapprovin'
Keep them dogies movin'
Rawhide!
The classic ZZ Top look has mostly fallen out of fashion, but several practitioners were on hand to kickstart a revival.
Another popular theme was "high school athlete." Here we have a pair of wrestlers...
Vinyl football player. ("69" seems to be a common number.)
Cal shortstop.
For some reason, Gestapo dogs were in short supply compared to the packs
at the Folsom Street Fair. These were the only two I saw.
The Horned One seemed strangely lonely.
Once, long ago, when you heard the words "gay men dressing up," you'd
think: drag queens. But those days are long gone. Drag is definitely
passé, at least at Up Your Alley. The few drag queens at the event
seemed wildly out of place.
Of course, that excludes the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, the Grand
Dames of San Francisco, who were on hand as the security team.
Smoking? Horrors!
"Excuse me, I'm lost. Do you know where I can find the 1970s?"
Here's a guy "transitioning" from drag queen to leather boy. Unfortunately, he seems to have gotten stuck right in the middle.
All the branches of the armed forces were represented: The Navy...
...The Air Force...
... and, in a sense: The Army.
There were so many real erect penises bobbing around that there wasn't much of a need for a guy in a penis costume.
Speaking of which: remember "Orgasm Dude" from Part 1, who had his penis
in two different mouths within a short period of time? Well, here he is
with his penis in yet a third mouth, just a few minutes before that scene. Maybe I should have called him Mr. Sexual Ecosystem.
"Consent. Submit. Indulge." Advice that everyone already seems to be following.
I like the expression of the guy in the foreground. "La de da, nothing happening here...."
Above the crowd in a different building on Folsom Street, butts were presented out the window for a good spanking.
Thwack!
The only female I saw experiencing sexual pleasure (aside from a few
ladies being mildly flogged) was this woman who seemed to have something
resembling an actual orgasm while engaging in some very dirty dancing. I
couldn't really tell if they had holes in their pants or if they were
just doing some brisk rubbing.
I didn't see any overt politics in evidence -- aside from this one Obama button.
The rest of the pictures below I will present without captions, as a
sort of slideshow of what you would have seen as you strolled through
the Up Your Alley Fair if you tried not to notice all the sex.
Click here to return to Part 1 of this report.
(Click here to return to the main zombietime page.)