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Another Encounter with Jack Young
by Rich Brooks
29 October 2003
I've already told you about the chance encounter I had last month in Albertsons with my old Mormon friend Jack Young. Well, as these things usually happen, I ran into him again this morning. It wasn't Albertsons this time, because the grocery clerks at the major supermarket chains in Southern California have been on strike for a couple weeks and there are picket lines around both of Albertsons' local stores. I've become a little more pro-labor lately; and, besides, I'm friendly with most of the regular checkout girls and don't want any of them to see me patronizing the scabs.
We are instead at Stater Bros. Market, a local chain which has settled its dispute independently of the major national grocers. The store is crowded and the checkout lines are especially long today because enough Ridgecrestians are pro-union enough (or, more likely, too timid) not to cross the picket lines at Albertsons or Vons. I'm standing in the 15-or-less-item line with my 22-pound sack of dog food, a couple 3-litre bottles of Pepsi One, a loaf of bread and a jar of gefilte fish (just kidding, folks!) when this fat, tan-skinned, racially indeterminable cripple in her motorized cart nosed her way in front of me, her basket laden with piles of junk food. I pointed out to her the "15 items or less" sign and with WASP civility politely suggested she go elsewhere to check out. She became quite indignant at this suggestion and told me in no uncertain terms that disabled people are permitted to go to the front of any line they wish to. Chivalrous gentleman that I am, I reluctantly acceded to her wishes. Something stuck in my craw, however, and I started seething as I thought about it. That "disabled" woman is sitting on her ass! The rest of us are standing in line! Sheis permitted to go ahead of us! Only in Amerikwa would such an injustice occur!
Revolutionary action was averted when I was suddenly interrupted by a tap on the shoulder from the man in line behind me. It was Jack again and he had his usual insufferably cheerful Mormon smile on his face.
"Hi, Rich. What's happening?"
"Oh, not too much since we talked last time. Just trying to finish up the last bit of work for my law degree, taking care of my animals, and writing a couple new articles for VNN," I replied.
"Hey, that reminds me. You know, I've been reading VNN again quite a bit lately and there's something that really bothers me about what they've been saying."
I was prepared for the worst. I thought Jack was going to go into a sermon about brotherhood and how we are all God's children and brothers of Adam and so forth and so on. But no, it was something completely different that he was upset about.
"I'm really distressed," said Jack, "that your atheist friends at VNN don't understand anything about even the very first principles of Christianity. I guess Protestants and Catholics should be forgiven for their ignorance, because they come from a tradition filled with error. You and I both know that the true Church of Jesus Christ was taken from this earth for almost 2,000 years and not restored until 1830 by Joseph Smith."
"Well, yeah," I interjected. "But let's not go that route, because that's the subject for a whole 'nother discussion. What's your specific gripe against VNN?"
"This all came about because of the Mel Gibson 'Passion' movie and the way the jews tried to make an issue of the whole thing. VNN picked up on the controversy right away, and immediately took sides on the whole 'who murdered Jesus Christ?' question. But as you and I both know, Jesus Christ was sent to this planet specifically to make an atonement for the sins of mankind by giving his life as the one and only truly perfect being. You know as well as I that his suffering at Gethsemane and his death on the cross was a necessary ingredient for Heavenly Father's Plan of Happiness. That's why it really bothers me when your friends try to hold the jews responsible for the death of Christ. God only knows, that despicable race of people is bad enough. They're responsible for so many ills in this world, but please don't hold them to blame for just doing what had to be done to carry out God's blueprint."
"Point well made," I answered. "If I were to become a Christian again it would definitely be as a Latter-day Saint. The LDS Church has more of an internal logical consistency to its theology than any other sect. Baptism for the dead, for example, is the only logical way to address the needs of those unfortunate persons who were born before the time of Jesus and those who were, for example, born as Chinese. That said, I don't believe the Jesus described in either your Bible or Book of Mormon ever existed. You know, my theory about the whole thing . . . "
Fortunately I was interrupted by the checkout girl asking me for my money. $13.02 for my five items, as fat Mexicali Rose in front of me in the motorized cart had just forked over $85 in food stamps for her Wonder Bread, potato chips, doughnuts, Coca Cola, tortillas, Velveeta and 50 pounds of pinto beans among her other healthful purchases. Dr. Atkins' worst nightmare, her shopping basket was. I gave the girl a twenty-dollar kike fed note, reached into my pocket for a couple pennies, and said "it doesn't matter" when asked "paper or plastic?" I put my change in my wallet as Jack checked out right behind me with his cat food, Campbell's soup, and Marie Callender dinners. "Man, that guy sure does need a wife. I'm glad I learned how to cook," I thought to myself as I tarried a minute so we could say our goodbyes.
"One more thing I want to ask you, Rich," he said to me as we were walking out the door and heading for the parking lot. "What do you think about this latest flap with Bill White and Alex Linder and VNN? Don't you think now that maybe Linder was misled by White into making all those charges against the National Alliance leadership? Doesn't this mean that Gliebe and Strom were right after all about that INTELPRO thing?"
"Jack," I answered in the most patient tone I could muster. "Just because the devil tells you your shit stinks doesn't mean it smells like a rose garden either. You went to college and took a course in philosophy and logic, so you know as well as I do that the depravity of the messenger proves nothing about the validity of the message. Many of the things White reported just happened to be true, and none of the evil he has done since is going to change that. My own theory is -- and I'm not privy to any inside information as you well know . . . my own theory is that White was able to suck in smart people like Linder precisely because many of the things he said were verifiably true. You good Mormons ought to know better than anyone else that Satan tells a lot of truth to entice folks to follow him. Let me give you an example . . ."
Jack cut me off in mid-sentence. "OK, Rich, I think I get the point. You know, you don't have to bring up Mormonism all the time. Your writing can get really boring and tedious sometimes, and I'll bet that outside of maybe a half-dozen readers who are either Mormons or ex-Mormons, no one who goes to the VNN website gives a rat's ass about either the LDS Church or your opinions about it."
"Yes, I know, you're probably right," I replied sadly. "But I can only write about things I know about and things that interest me, and God only knows I'm not asking anyone to pay me for it. By the way, when are you going to do another piece?"
"Oh, I'm afraid I was a one-trick pony for VNN, but feel free to quote me whenever you're at a loss for something to write about."
"Thanks," I called back to him as I waved farewell. "I think I already have."
RICH BROOKS
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