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How to be a Woman
by Kelli Krieger
20 December 2003
I talk little, and when I do it's in a low voice.
I control my emotions, and keep my keel even.
I can often be charming, but I can always be quiet.
I know Schopenhauer lamented brilliant thoughts lost to muleteer whipcracks, and I suspect magnitudes more have been lost to my sex's gabble.
I don't make myself available always. I never use my voice when I can use my eyes, my touch.
I don't wear sweats, except when running, even though I have great legs and it's convenient.
When I perform fellatio, I do it expertly -- not even a trace of tooth. But I do not do it on command. Nor do I provide surround-sound suck effects. I do talk dirty, and I do it well, but not in public like a midriff slut.
I sit on his knees and look in his eyes. I give him my full attention, because I know he loves me more than my body. I let him feel my whole being just often enough to keep him taut, and me tantalizing. I listen. I draw him with my voice, my tease. I read him and give him what the man needs, not what the boy wants. I make him. I help him. I help and make him make himself.
I soothe and inspire as best I can. I do not visit my private emotional demons on my husband. I show respect and demand it. Not like a feminist. Like an aristocrat. I know what a man is; its value -- and the peculiarities of mine, and how to draw the best from him to feed me and sustain us. I know what he needs from me, and I know how to provide it. I make our family through him. I know a man is heaviest machinery which, properly operated, can move mountains. I know what he needs, and how to supply it, and that this is woman's work. I glory in being a woman.
I talk to my mother and sister and friends often. But I don't discuss things they don't need to know. I know my first loyalty.
I don't cover the house with tasteless, cutesy, kitschy knickknacks. I don't kid myself that I'm an artist because I make something from a kit, or because I keep a journal or write bad poems.
I wear jewelry and makeup, neither too much nor too little. I make fetish neither of clothes nor accoutrements.
I never nag. When I threaten to become familiar, I withdraw. When things are on track, I let them ride. When things threaten to derail, I move. I always get my way because I understand. I know that a woman is the most powerful thing in the world -- when she recognizes her nature and limitations.
I avoided 90% of my problems before they occurred by knowing my sex, myself, the future I sought -- and picking the right man.
KELLI KRIEGER
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