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Judaism's Useful Idiots
by Chris Conole
24 October 2003
A CHRISTMAS TALE
Well it’s that time of year again; the AmeriKwan "holiday" (never "Christmas") season is epitomized by the recent news story about an injury-causing stampede by shoppers to get the last $29 DVD player on sale at Wal-Mart. Jewish cash registers are jingling (or more accurately, electronically beeping) and this is cheered by the controlled media as a sure sign of economic recovery, although I believe it is a much more telling sign that consumers are flashing their plastic at miserly places like Wal-Mart rather than at Nordstrum or Saks Fifth Avenue.
I have recently and not entirely facetiously expressed my opinion that Christmas should be treated much like the Olympic Games -- held as a once-every-four years celebration -- and thus appreciated much more than is the case with our present annual forced merrymaking. I have not put up a Christmas tree in my home this year, although I have given in to the subtle neighborhood competitive pressure to put up a respectable number of outside holiday lights. I have also not sent out Christmas cards, except to a few special friends and family members. I have likewise minimized my Christmas giftgiving, but I nevertheless recently found myself shopping at one of our local retail establishments. OK, it was Wal-Mart, because I don’t have the budget for Nordstrum or Saks, and, frankly, don’t really have much inclination for their jaded merchandise either. That’s where I again ran into my now recently-married Mormon friend, Jack Young -- long checkout lines can sometimes make for interesting encounters.
"Hi Rich, how’s it going? Haven’t seen you around for awhile?"
I turned my head to see who was summoning me, and there he was again. Same big shit-eating Mormon grin, but with a voice now mellowed and dehorned by a couple months of reliable nightly servicing.
"Hey, Jack! Congratulations and all that other good stuff. I really am glad you two finally tied the knot and are going to start a strong White family."
"How’d ya hear?"
"I didn’t," I replied. "You told me the date the last time I saw you, and I haven’t heard that you guys had called it off. I don’t suppose you’ve had much time for politics or the internet lately, heh heh."
"Well, actually newly-married life isn’t as sexy as the jewish media makes it out to be. Hey, nothing’s as sexy as the jewish media makes it out to be! So, yeah, I check out the ‘net every so often -- heck, I even sent in an email which was published in VNN Reader Mail. Didn’t you see it?"
"Yup," I answered. "In fact, I’ve even been accused of writing it myself."
"You’re kidding? So what have you really been up to lately, Rich -- when you’re not writing racist movie reviews, that is? By the way, I agree with you about most of the films you write about, but occasionally I think you’re probably a little too soft. Now it might seem funny coming from me, but I really think some of those Mormon films you used to praise were really sleep-inducing turkeys. You also defended that garbage-mouth Tarantino and all his mindless violence, but you couldn’t open your heart to a sensitive story like "Under the Tuscan Sun." Now the movie review I’d really like to see you write is . . ."
I cut Jack off in midsentence, as I have heard these kinds of comments so many times before. "Besides finally getting my J.D. degree and certification to take the California Bar Exam," I replied, "I’ve decided to start up my own website -- just like 20 million other Kwans."
"Oh, yeah? Feeling your oats and trying to go head to head in competition with Alex and VNN? You’ll never cut it."
"Oh, fuck no!" I replied with bemusement. "Just a tax thing. Also my web-designer friend Mike has been after me for some time to let him do a page for me.. I guess he thinks it’ll be good for his business to showcase me as a client. Ha, little does he know! On the other hand, I think he really wants to do whatever he can to promote the White cause."
"That’s well and good, but what are you going to put up on your new site that you haven’t already said so many times before?" he asked somewhat sarcastically.
"Glad you asked that, Jack, because itz probably my residual Mormonism that makes me have such a fetish about keeping records. Fact of the matter is, most of the stuff I’ve written for VNN has disappeared down the Bill White rathole, and I’d really like to preserve it for any posterity I might have. So this sorta kills two birds with one stone: Mike gets to a new client and I get my vanity site I can link to till the cows come home. Besides, I can even blog on it from time to time."
"Blog?" Jack asked incredulously. "You mean you’ve really become one of those self-important types who believes the world is turning on his every thought? Do you actually think anyone wants to read about when you had your last bowel movement and what the political implications of it might be?"
"No, of course not," I replied. "But occasionally there is something I want to say and there is nowhere else but the internet where I’m allowed to say it. Thank Odin for the internet. Mike also came up with a neat name for my new website -- it’s going to be called ‘White Alert’ and it will have some really kewl graphics. Hell, I even bet Alex Linder is going to be just a little bit jealous when he sees it. Might even wish he had thought up the name first for VNN and avoided all of the legal hassles with the Vanguard financial folks. To me, ‘White Alert’ says it all so very succinctly and on more than one level."
"Yup," agreed Jack. "Like ‘Spotlight’ or ‘Stormfront’ the name just sort of grabs you in a way that ‘Vanguard News Network’ never could. So when can I expect to see this new creation of yours?"
"Oh, not till I get back home after the holidays. Which reminds me -- next month is the big Aryan Fest in Phoenix the weekend of January 30, and I’m planning to be there. It’ll be a chance to meet a lot of the folks at White Revolution I’ve only talked with on the ‘net and besides it should be a lot of fun. Why don’t you and Emma come along with me?"
"We’ll definitely consider it. You say that’s the weekend of January 30 in Phoenix?"
"Uh huh," I nodded, "and I think they’d really like to see a lot more couples there and fewer old farts like me."
As we were headed out toward the parking lot, my friend had one last query for me. "I’m surprised at you today, Rich. Nothing at all to say about religion or Mormonism or Christianity?"
"Fuck no, Jack," were my parting words. "Nothing about religion -- itz Christmas!"
RICH BROOKS
mailto:jrich.wn@verizon.net
CHRIS CONOLE
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