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Movie Review: 'Cold Mountain'
by William Spencer
30 December 2003
Before the review, I'd like to offer some statistics regarding the War of
Northern Aggression, as any true Southerner (or honest person for that
matter) knows the Civil War should be called. The nation's losses in this
war exceed its losses in all other wars combined - from the Revolutionary
right on up the Iraq War (497 and counting). It was a catastrophic conflict
that claimed the lives of an estimated 620,000 of America's finest young
white men and eliminated from the future whatever white progeny they might have
had, had this fratricidal disaster been averted.
The Union armies had from 2,500,000 to 2,750,000 men. Their losses, by the
best estimates, were: 110,070 battle deaths, 250,152 deaths from disease and
misc. for a total of 360,222 dead.
The Confederate strength, known less accurately because of missing records,
was from 750,000 to 1,250,000. Estimated losses were: 94,000 battle deaths,
164,000 deaths from disease and misc. for a total of 258,000.
On both sides, of course, there was a much larger unknown number of maimed and wounded.
Clearly Johnny Reb was the superior fighter. He was part of an army less than half the size of the enemy, he was far worse equipped and supplied than his
northern counterpart, yet he was 40% more efficient at killing. Apparently,
the south was fighting real hard for something they believed in, rather than just obeying Federal orders. Wouldn't you agree? That, superior commanders, and the largely defensive position the south fought in, as opposed to the Union, which had to invade and conquer completely, explain the numbers.
Grim statistics aside, "Cold Mountain" is based on the National Book Award-winning novel of the same name by Charles Frazier. The novel was excellent and is highly recommended. Jude Law plays Inman. Inman is the capable and decent carpenter/farmer/does-everything type unfortunately caught up in
the war of the states. He's a striking-looking, peaceful, affable fellow who
doesn't talk much and is deadly with a gun when he has to be. The awkwardly
pretty (gook adopter and race traitor) Nicole Kidman stars as Ada Monroe, a
spoiled and genteel southern belle who has just moved to the small town of
Cold Mountain, N.C., from Virginia. She's a real ladylike lady who learns
how to survive in a harsh environment and longs for her man to come home.
Renee Zellweger plays Ruby Thewes. She's poor, sassy, vociferous,
and considers herself as capable as any man. She partners with Ada and
they become skilled farmers and survivors in the difficult conditions
surrounding them. Anthony Minghella ("The Talented Mr. Ripley" and "The
English Patient") directs.
The film opens as Ada rolls into the town of Cold Mountain beside her
father, played by Donald Sutherland, who is a preacher. She quickly makes
the acquaintance of Inman. The two hit it off, have a few precious moments
alone together, and make awkward small talk. Then all too quickly, to the
jubilation of the town's young men, but to Inman's dismay, war is declared.
Inman and Ada have a passionate kiss, she tells him she will wait for him,
then we see Inman fading into a line of parading grey-suited soldiers
joyfully going off to what hindsight would see as a devastating bloodbath.
Couldn't Lincoln have gotten every ship in the country to gather at port,
rounded up all the niggers, and then shipped them back to Africa in a mass
deportation? I mean it's not totally implausible, is it? No, I suppose not;
rich men and the wealthy few must have their wars. Like most wars, the Civil
War was undoubtedly good for certain large businesses and the Federal
government. And, like most wars, it was very bad for young white men, not to
mention the women and children who lost those men.
Jump ahead three years to the months-long siege of Petersburg. Union forces have dug a 568-foot long shaft under the southern fort and packed a mine with
explosives. The now-experienced veteran Inman is buried in dirt after all
hell breaks loose and the massive explosion creates a crater 130 feet wide.
Into this crater flood the Union soldiers. Unable to escape the hole, 4,000
of them are gunned down by whooping Confederates. Here occurs a very
moving battle scene. Later that night, Inman is badly wounded in the neck.
He barely survives, and after a few weeks in hospital and a letter from Ada
beseeching him to come home, he begins his Oddyseuslike voyage home to his
sweetheart.
But the dangers are many and the way perilous. The countryside is ravaged by
war and not everyone is friendly and helpful. Deserters are being hunted
down by the Home Guard - men who police the southern states and mercilessly
enforce martial law. He meets a slew of remarkable characters on his
journey. For a while he teams up with a fallen preacher named Veasey. It's
maybe purely coincidental, but quite amusing, because Veasey is played by
Philip Seymour Hoffman, who is jewish. The funny part is that his preacher
character is an adulterer and a lout who has impregnated a very young black
girl, whom he drugs and then attempts to drown to save his own hide. Inman
prevents the murder, ties Veasey up in the town square and leaves a note
telling the townfolk the story. Later, having been beaten and kicked out of
town, Veasey finds Inman. From there on all he does is seek hedonistic
pleasure and complain of his anal regularity troubles. He even praises the
god of Israel loudly and amusingly as finally his long-awaited bowel
movement arrives. At one point he finds a bandsaw which Inman tells him is
not his to take. But Veasey proclaims that the lord's commandments regarding
personal property are very ambiguous. Sound jewish much? Okay, I could be
imagining things but he is the most depraved character in the film, and the
actor who plays him does just happen to be thoroughly jewish.
The two are soon betrayed by Junior (Giovanni Rabisi), a ribald moonshiner
who uses his wife and her sisters to lure deserters into their brothel-like
home, then drugs and turns them over to the Home Guard. Following his
fortuitous escape from the chain gang, Inman is rescued by a wizened old
goat-herding woman who nurses him back to health while teaching him some
things about wisdom and survival. Inman thinks only of Ada and the end of
this terrible war. After this lucky enounter, Inman stumbles upon the
backwoods home of Sara (she-jew Natalie Portman), a desperate, lonely young
lady with an ill baby and a husband killed fighting Yanks. She takes a
liking to Inman (he has that effect on people) and asks him into her bed for
platonic comfort while she weeps her heart out, so lonely and distraught is
she. Inman then saves Sara, who is screaming and pleading frantically, from
an unwanted debauch at the hands of renegade Yankee soldiers looting the
area. Another jewish performer and this one nearly involved in a multiple
rape/assault! Sheer coincidence? You be the judge.
The film alternates between Inman's journey and the events in Cold Mountain.
So meanwhile back at home Ada and Ruby do the best they can. A particularly
vicious group of Home Guardsmen led by Teague (Ray Winstone) and his
sinister blond henchman Bosie (Charlie Hunnman), are using their legal power
indiscriminately and for their own gain, while killing deserters and
harborers ruthlessly. Ruby's long-lost, no-good father Stobrod (Brendan
Gleeson) shows up like a blast from her past. He also has deserted the ranks
and hides out in the local mountains with the boys in his newly formed music
band. Ruby eventually makes amends with him despite his rough treatment
towards her in younger days-because the war has truly changed Stobrod. Ruby
is the comic relief in the movie and Zellweger's earthy, head on, full tilt
performance continually steals the show. Inman and Ada's eventual reunion is
both hopeful and tragic.
It's a very good movie (though I read the book twice and have a soft spot
for historical films). The supporting cast makes up for what Law and Kidman
lack. Their performances are not really bad, not really good either. Renee
Zellweger does a bang up job and will likely win a supporting award
somewhere. There are some laughs usually at the expense of the
simple-mindedness of certain lesser characters. There is plenty of violence
in the form of torture, random cruelty, and loud guns cracking sharply and
starkly and lives ending just like that. I wish I could say the movie
captures the American landscape beautifully, but I can't because it was
filmed in Romania. The camera work and cinematography are top notch and the
script is solid with lots of time-period-specific vernacular. It's one of
the few big films this year that is totally fit for White viewers and it
also seems untainted by any political correctness. I dare say it even takes
a few stabs at the you know whos -- albeit indirectly. What niggers there are
in the film are either unconscious, mute, rude, or gunned down. No noble
Uncle Toms, no sympathetic scenes of the underground railroad, no cute
little pickaninnies. Just a few shots of ignorant niggers as they were, are,
and always will be. Inman does have a Cherokee friend who fights for the
Confederacy, as many Indians did, to their credit.
All in all it's a good romance/drama/action film and a fine adaptation of
the novel. The courage, loyalty, strength, fortitude, and will to survive of
the White race are all present. That's not to say all the Whites in it are
noble and good. There are some extremely cruel ones who kill (other whites)
randomly and maliciously. But in the great scope of the War of Northern
Aggression, I suppose that's how it went. I still think we should have
shipped them all back when we had the chance. Lincoln was a fucking bastard.
WILLIAM SPENCER
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