Interview with the Grim Reaper

by Arch Stanton

28 September 2005

Good evening, everyone, thank you for joining us today here on the other side, my name is Bob White and today we are talking with the infamous Grim Reaper.

Bob White: Good evening, Mr. Reaper.

Grim Reaper: Good evening, just call me Grim, Bob, everyone does.

Bob White: Grim, the reason we asked you on the show today was to ask you about Simon Wiesenthal.

Grim Reaper: Who?

Bob White: Simon Wiesenthal, you know the famous Holocaust survivor and Nazi Hunter.

Grim Reaper: What tarradiddle! Holocaust survivor? Nazi hunter? That little hooked-nosed parasite? In the nether world we always referred to him as Willy the Weasel.

Bob White: Willy the Weasel? Obviously you do not have a very high opinion of Mr. Wiesenthal.

Grim Reaper: Well, Bob, you see, Willy is, or I should say, was, a liar and of course what Jew isn't, but Willy was worse than most, allow me to quote one of his fellow Jews, Eli Rosenbaum: "Wiesenthal has been a pathetically ineffective investigator who had gone far beyond the buffoonery and false boasts in prior years." Much of his illustrious career, Rosenbaum said, has been characterized by "incompetence and arrogance." Bruno Kreisky has given a simpler explanation, he claimed that Wiesenthal was "driven by hatred."

Bob White: A liar?

Grim Reaper: Yeah, he claimed that the Nazis sent me after him five times in five different camps - FIVE TIMES! Can you imagine that? What do you think this does for my reputation? People were beginning to laugh when I showed up, saying things like, "Ohhh! It's the big, bad reaper -- I'm soooo sacred!" It really started to get on my nerves, who the hell do these people think they are anyway? I'm death, it's my job, it's what I do! When I go after a soul he's finished, kaput, capice? I do not have to go after anyone five times, especially some weasely little Jew who supposedly escaped the gas chambers repeatedly. The real reason Willy escaped the gas chambers so often is that they simply did not exist. The only thing Willy ever really escaped was work, his Hollowhoax bullshit kept him in the clover for years.

Bob White: So what's it like on the other side?

Grim Reaper: For whom?

Bob White: Well, for Mr. Wiesenthal.

Grim Reaper: I'll tell you, Bob, it's especially funny for guys like Wiesenthal because Jews don't believe in the afterlife. So when I show up on their doorstep it's a big surprise. Actually I was pretty busy with the New Orleans situation so the office dispatched an assistant to pick up Willy. The soul they picked for the job! Let's just say I have a bone to pick with some joker at the office concerning his choice. Apparently there was no one available to contact Wiesenthal, so the office broke all the rules and offered the job to a newcomer; would you believe they picked the Pillsbury Doughboy? In case you haven't heard, the Pop N. Fresh recently passed over, allow me to take a moment here to read his obituary.

"Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. Dough boy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, and his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes."

Cute huh? Anyway when Mr. Fresh got to Wiesenthal's place they had him deliver his death warrant by singing: "Nothin' spells revulsion like something from the oven and Wiesenthal says it best." Can you picture Pop N. Fresh showing up at a beside and singing THAT, some joke huh? You know Bob, we of the nether regions believe that death is a serious business, there simply is no place for such levity during such a somber occasion.

Bob White: Grim, allow me to return to the hurricane victims for a moment, you say you were swamped, no pun intended, with souls from the hurricane; was this due to the sudden influx of Negro souls?

Grim Reaper: Actually Negroes are much like other lower animals in that they do not have souls. It was their murder victims I had to attend to. I tell you Bob, when it comes to murder, at least from the standpoint of one on one, perhaps twelve to one might be more like it, no one, I mean no one, can match the Negro for sheer murderous intent. When the civilized veneer is ripped off the Negro, they make the great white shark look like a gerbil.

Bob White: You spoke earlier of Jews being surprised when you meet them on the other side. What kind of surprise are they in for?

Grim Reaper: Well, Bob, as you know, I'm just the gatekeeper, so to speak. I just run a delivery service under contract to the Big Kahuna. It's the Kahuna who decides who goes where. But of course I'm on the board of directors of both the upper and lower regions, so I do in fact have some input over deciding what amusements are appropriate for each soul.

Bob White: Amusements? Like what?

Grim Reaper: Well, different strokes for different folks as they say; we pretty much tailor the amusements to the individual's taste. You might compare it somewhat to Orwell's book with his description of the rats in the face cage. Some people, like Wiesenthal for example, get along just fine with rats, some people even enjoy their company, so what good would hungry rats in a face cage be in making such a person's afterlife unbearable? Another actual case in point: The Kahuna finally heard enough Jews talking about vats of boiling hot excrement and semen, so the big guy decided to make their worst nightmare come true. You should have heard the Kahuna thunder, "just wait until those Jews arrive in the lower region, I'll fix their little red wagon." So he had the boys over in the lower region's amusements division set up these huge vats of boiling hot excrement and semen. It did not take long for the Kahuna to realize that we were hearing no screams of horror nor seeing looks of shock and terror from the Jews we threw in these vats. In fact we soon discovered the Jews were enjoying themselves in the vats; they were referring to them as "California hot tubs." We finally had to shut the vats down after several of Jews showed up with scuba gear and spear guns saying they heard the turd fishing was excellent in hell. Like they say Bob, these people are a real piece of work.

Bob White: So what about heaven, Grim? What do Jews find in heaven?

Grim Reaper: Heaven? Jews? Gosh Bob, the two are mutually exclusive! Just kidding, you mean what do Jews find when they enter the upper regions?

Bob White: Yes, what do Jews find in their version of heaven?

Grim Reaper: Actually we haven't had any Jews arrive in the upper regions yet. A few thousand years ago the board convened an ad-hoc committee to come up with some sort of what you might call heaven for Jews. Initially we looked at building a jewel-studded inner-city ghetto, you know - pearly gates, streets paved with gold, that kind of kitsch. But we finally disbanded the committee after no Jews showed up for a couple of millennia. You know Bob, even those of us on the other side don't really understand the Jews; for instance take the fact that everyone else who crosses over wants natural surroundings. Take any of the Nordlanders of Europe, they generally want a tropical climate with palm trees warm ocean breezes and low hanging fruit. Desert dwellers like Arabs frequently want colder climates and cool water in their afterlife. Only the Jews want precious and semi-precious stones and metals all over the place. Imagine a place that has nothing but gold and jewels for a moment, no trees, no grass, no cool water, just lots and lots of gold, gemstones and pearls; as I said, Bob, Jews are a real piece of work. In any case it's a moot point because we have yet to deal with any Jew in the upper regions. Sometimes we wonder what the big Kahuna was thinking when he made the Jews. The Kahuna claims he had nothing to do with their creation, he claims the Jew's creation was all the serpent's fault, but you know, Bob, we all see the Kahuna as captain of the ship, so to speak, neither the serpent nor the Jews could get away with jack unless the Kahuna allowed it; so what he was thinking when he allowed the creation of the Jews is anybody's guess. We figure maybe Jews are like a human version of disease; if it weren't for such things, there would be far too little suffering and thus no balance to the universe.

Bob White: Interesting take on the Jews, Mr. Reaper, and since we're on that subject I would like to get back to Simon Wiesenthal.

Grim Reaper: Call me Grim, Bob. I'm sorry, who?

Bob White: Simon Wiesenthal, you know the famous Nazi hunter.

Grim Reaper: Nazi Hunter? The only thing that weasel ever hunted was a free ride. I wanted to reach out and touch him so many times, but the Big Kahuna said that the world had not suffered enough, so he left him on earth to make everyone else's life miserable with his constant harping and kvetching about the evil Nazis and their supposed gas chambers. I tell you Bob, the Nazis never had any gas chambers and I should know, I would have picked up the souls from any gassings, but the only gassing was from Jews and their tall tales. All I ever got from the concentration camps were typhus and starvation victims and believe me Jews certainly did not have a corner on the starvation market! 1945 I was picking up as twice as many starved and murdered Germans as I ever did Jews. Did you know Wiesenthal was once offered the choice between staying behind or evacuating the camp where he was interned? The commandant gave Willy the choice of leaving with the Germans or staying in the camp to greet the Communist "liberators." Ha! Do you know what Willy did, he left with the Nazis! This is all the more hilarious when you figure that the Communist government of Russia was invented and administrated almost exclusively by Jews! So here we have a starving Jew in a German "death" camp, a supposed victim of Nazi atrocities, hightailing it out of the way of an advancing communist army controlled by Jews! Bob, I ask you, who should know better the murderous brotherhood of Jew than a member of the brotherhood himself? When these murderous Jews start slaughtering, it's like a bunch of sharks in a feeding frenzy, they will eat anything that gets in the way, including each other. Obviously Willy understood this and was terrified of what his tribal brethren's army would do to everyone who fell into their grasp, so he hightailed it out of the camp back to Germany with the guys that were supposedly trying to exterminate him.

Bob: What about the Nazis?

Grim Reaper: Well, Bob I have to admit I am kind of partial to those Nazis with their Totenkopf and all. I can tell you it sent warm chills down my spine when I saw them sporting my visage on their caps and uniforms. Those Nazis were not your average party animals, no sir. Frankly things might have been different if the Nazis had been even half as murderous as the Jews made them out to be; if that had been the case, I would have been reapin' in the tall souls, as we say. The Jews inflated those camp death tolls worse than they inflate your currency. A few years back, I remember one of the newer assistants bringing in a newspaper that had a story of six million being gassed in the camps. Hah! More like a paltry few hundred thousand died in those camps and that was all total! Many of the Nazis' so called victims weren't even Jews. However, I'll say this for the little parasites, they really picked up speed by agitating the allies into making those firebombing raids on Germany and Japan. It took me years to deal with the backlog of souls from those raids, not to mention their crowing achievement of convincing the American government to pursue the nuclear destruction of Japan. Of course the Soviet pogroms of the early twentieth century, with all the millions killed by the Jewish commissars, helped immensely; and then there was the first world war, which, not so coincidently, was extended thanks to the Jew's manipulation of America's entry into that carnage. I tell you Bob, if Jews weren't so obnoxious, loathsome and whiny, they might well be my best friends. Anyway, back to the Nazis; actually they were pretty much your average totalitarian statists. A bit heavy on the conformity issues maybe, but nothing to be overly alarmed about. Most people today do not realize that Hitler really did not want a war, what he really wanted was a better more productive future for Germany. In the beginning the Jews liked Hitler, they funded his Nazi movement thinking they maybe had a better version of socialism in the fascist state, but then Hitler double crossed the Jew bankers by taking their money and then using it to remove Germany from the international Jew banker's gold system, after that was all over for him.

Bob White: So what do you see for the future, Grim?

Grim Reaper: Well presently it looks pretty grim for the white race - little joke there Bob. As much as I don't like Jews and frankly I wish they would live forever so I would never again have to deal with one, always trying to bargain their way back to life, Christ almighty! But as I was saying, as much as I don't like these hook-nosed parasites I really got to hand it to them they are really more efficient murderers than even the Negroes.

Bob White: Really, Grim -- more efficient at murdering than Negroes?

Grim Reaper: Yeah, Jews are far more sophisticated murderers, when they murder they generally do it on a mass scale. Frankly I was hoping for at least a short vacation this century, but I tell you, Bob, the bloodshed the Jews have lined up next for the goyim over the next couple of decades alone will keep me busy for no telling how long. Would you believe I have already met my soul quota for the rest of the decade, and it is only 2005! Yet the Jews are having more and more people murdered all over the Middle East. Look at all the American soldiers murdering all the Arabs, what a slaughter! And what about Africa? Thanks to that wormy little Jew Joe Slovo and his ANC party Africa has become a continuous bloodbath; thank the Kahuna Negroes don't have souls or I would be backlogged until the 22nd century cleaning up that mess! Although I cannot give you any specifics I will tell you this, Bob, what the Jews have lined up for the American goyim will be like nothing seen since Hiroshima and Nagasaki. And speaking of death, I'm late for an appointment right now, it seems that George Bush and Pat Robertson have put their heads together again and decided that some South American dictator has to go.

Bob White: Grim, thank you so much for taking the time to be with us here today.

Grim Reaper: My pleasure, Bob.


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