How to Live Like an American Jew
Posted by alex in jews, jews in America, jews jewing jewily, VNN Staff at 1:16 pm | 
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How to Live Like an American Jew
by VNN Staff
1. After a dream filled with images of gold, diamonds and expensive jewelry, wake up and thank G_d that you’re a Jew and not one of those stupid, animalistic gentiles. After all, Jews are the greatest humans on earth.
2. Go to the bathroom – your favorite room in the house – and poop. As usual, take your time and really savor the experience: the feeling, the aroma, the “ker-plop” sound of the turd hitting the water. Try to guess – without looking – whether the turd is brown or green, and whether it’s smooth or rough. Call your uncle and tell him whether or not your guess was correct.
3. Eat a bagel while complaining that it’s too hard. Better yet: call someone and complain to them that it’s too hard. Consider filing a lawsuit against the store that sold you the bagel.
4. If you don’t live in New York City, daydream about moving there someday, since NYC is the greatest place on earth after Israel (it’s full of pricey real estate and snotty Jewish chicks with fake-blonde hair).
5. Read one of your thousands of porno magazines.
6. Call the local utility company and complain about your lights being too bright. If they give you any disagreement, call them “Nazis.”
7. Write a letter to the Swiss government demanding Holocaust payments. If they refuse, threaten to sue and then call them “anti-Semites.”
8. Same as #7, but write to Denmark, Norway, Japan, Iceland and Brazil instead. If they refuse, threaten to sue and then call them “anti-Semites.”
9. Call your neighbor an “anti-Semite” because his wife looks German.
10. Write a poem about poop. If possible, have it published in a New York City periodical.
11. Write another poem about the joys of dual citizenship.
12. Daydream about your eight bank accounts, and how you can use all that money to flee to Israel if necessary.
13. Consider buying another vacation house in the Hamptons.
14. Spend two hours worrying about whether or not tooth-paste is kosher.
15.. Call your rabbi and ask him if you should poop before, or after, 8:00 p.m. on a Saturday. If he gives you any argument, call him a “self-hating Jew” and suggest that he read more Freud.
16. Celebrate Leon Trotsky’s birthday. If it isn’t Trotsky’s birthday yet, that’s okay, celebrate it anyway.
17. Call up a conservative talk-show host and call him a “racist” for wanting to stem illegal immigration into America.
18. Walk around saying that “America was nothing until the Jews arrived and improved it.” If anyone argues with you, call them a “Nazi.”
19. Hire a young gentile to mow your lawn for $10, but only pay him $5 and tell him you’ll pay him the rest later. After he leaves, laugh about what a sucker he is – like you’ll ever pay him the other $5! If he complains, call him an “anti-Semite.”
20. Worry that White people may one day discover the ugly truth about the Jews. Take another crap just to make yourself feel better. But if that doesn’t work, call your Jewish psychoanalyst and swap poop stories with him – that always cheers you up.
21. Call the local utility company again and complain that your lights are too dim.
22. Demand that your wife get another nose-job, since she still doesn’t look like an American – and tell her that this time, make sure that the plastic surgeon is actually Jewish and not just Polish with a Jewish-sounding name.
23. Open your wife’s jewelry box and stare at the diamonds until you get an erection.
24. Wonder if your mailman is an anti-Semite.
25. Call several gentile politicians and ask them why more money isn’t being given to Israel like you instructed them to do last week – weren’t the stupid putzes listening? If they give you any arguments at all, call them “anti-Semites.”
26. Call a book publisher and ask them why they published a book that referred to the Palestinians as people who have “suffered.” Only the Jews have suffered. No one else. Don’t they know that?? If they argue with you, call them “Nazis.”
27. Celebrate Sigmund Freud’s birthday. If it isn’t Freud’s birthday yet, that’s okay, celebrate it anyway. In honor of Freud’s birthday, take a crap, name the turd “Sigmund” and try to have a conversation with it before flushing it. Even better: don’t flush it until the next day.
28. Write a letter to a powerful senator, demanding that at least four Arab nations be invaded by U.S. soldiers and that “democracy” be installed in them – but only if those “democracies” are guaranteed to be Israel-friendly. If he gives you any argument, call him an “anti-Semite.”
29. Go to your local supermarket and stare at the toilet products until you get an erection.
30. Wonder if the little, blonde shiksa next door is “clean enough” to have sex with. Also wonder if she would accept $10 for sex…no, wait…make it $5 – but only if she has a nasal voice and doesn’t attend church regularly.
31. Call a local drugstore and demand to know why none of the soap they sell is marked “kosher.” Accuse them of “anti-Semitism” if they don’t sell kosher soap within 10 days.
32. Create a list of “known anti-Semites/anti-Semitic groups.” Report them to Jewish organizations every few weeks – after all, free-speech guarantees don’t apply to anti-Semites.
33. End a friendship with a gentile neighbor, since he dared to purchase a bumper-sticker calling for “no more wars” in the Middle East (how can Israel ever control the entire Middle East without lots of wars? He must be a secret Nazi sympathizer).
34. Accuse at least three gentiles of being “Holocaust deniers,” even if you’re not sure that they are.
35. Go to a bar-mitzvah and listen to Jews complain about how the U.S. government isn’t doing enough to help Israel.
36. Walk down your street and complain to someone about something. Anything.
9 January, 2007 at 11:24 pm
[Quote] “As far as Freud goes… what’s the fascination here? He’s a well respected theorist on human behavior and some of his opinions are bullshit, but most of them are proven by scientific research. ” [End of Quote].
Are you talking about Sigmund Freud, a.k.a. Sigmund Fraud? The guy who’s bullshit theories revolved around anal and penile voodoo? Who’s life goal was to confuse his gentile patients and fans with sick, anti-White, Jewy hocus-pocus? I mean, just how many mental ailments can involve poop, urine and penises? For example, if someone had a dream about a turd inside of a woman’s shoe, Freud would likely conclude that the dreamer hated his uncle. See the connection, folks? If not, one can always read more Fraud…oops, I mean Freud.
10 January, 2007 at 9:50 am
again…. Freud (or Fraud as you call him), is ancient history. What the fuck does he have to do with anything today? Another example of your little fantasy world.
10 January, 2007 at 12:24 pm
goldberg you want to get together lets arrange it .
10 January, 2007 at 12:26 pm
goldberg you want to get together lets arrange it .Incidentally i was born and raised in nyc and you wouldn’t believe how many of the goy around you want ypur ugly jew head on thier wall.
10 January, 2007 at 12:42 pm
Oh,i forgot lets do it at your place.i wouldn’t want to inconvience you .this will be easy for a tough guy like you just like all those unarmed children you kike heroes regularly murder.
10 January, 2007 at 3:57 pm
Goldberg: The “Blue Collar” comedy show(s) is produced by jews and designed by jews to make fun of whites, period. No doubt a few of the comedians realized a meal ticket in jew run hollywood could be had by making fun ‘of their own’, as whites sure can’t make fun of anyone else. However, we do see jew comedians claim to be ‘white’, then rant and rave about and against whites.
10 January, 2007 at 4:07 pm
You do have a point… wherever there is ignorance, there is racism. There is no shortage of ignorance in NYC.
10 January, 2007 at 8:56 pm
my point was that the people that are watching the show are certainly not jews and there is scatalogical humor throughout the show. The gentiles seem to enjoy it too…
11 January, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Rough ‘n Tough Jew Goldberg said
“”if you want to see a real threat, give me your fucking address… this is one jew you wouldn’t want to fuck with.
Whoo, you sound tough! a real cyber warrior!
On second thought… I wouldn’t want to come teach you a lesson in your two-bit shit-burg anyhow.
Chickening out eh? Typical Jew, cowards to the last man
Here’s my email: [email protected]. It’s my junk email, not my real email, so you Jew perverts and anti-racist trash can send all the child porn and spam you love so much. It won’t bother me a bit.
I live in Northeast Indiana, so send me an email, sissy Jew Goldberg, and we’ll hook up in real time and go at it, man (me) to dirty little Jew boy dick licker (you). Whadyasay big talker? When do you want to hook up in real time for a face to face? We’ll go to the woods or some gym somewhere.
come and get me, big mouth. Or, I’ll come see you if you’re not too far away.
Oh, if you get any bright ideas about bringing a gang of you nitwits, keep in mind that Indiana is a concealed carry state.
I DO want to fuck with you Jew, and I AM fucking with you right now. I’m explicitly saying that you’re mother is a ugly, aids ridden Talmadic Jew whore that sucks off anonymous and miscellaneous Mexicans night after night, while you’re daddy is out getting butt fucked by niggers on a voluntary and continuous basis.
Your pervert rabbi has had carnal knowledge of you were 6 month old. Your ass has taken so much dick, that it’s so stretched out it can easily handle your ugly, frizzy hooked nosed, stupid looking, inbred, Jew boy head, a place where it obviously it spends most of it’s time – your head, stuck up your ass, that is.
I’d say those are fighting words, Sissy Jew boy Goldberg, wouldn’t you?
so let’s get together. I’ll check my email from time to time, to see if you managed to muster enough courage to put your money where your mouth is.
11 January, 2007 at 6:32 pm
AH, I see i have to stand in line, someone else took up Inbred trash Jew Goldbergs offer already. I’m second in line.
11 January, 2007 at 6:37 pm
oh, I wanted to add, I don’t check this email from home, so any little internet games anyone may try to play will add up to zero.
11 January, 2007 at 10:38 pm
Yes Goldberg, but what is served to the ‘gentiles’ is cooked up by jews. Whites would not be nearly as scatological as what is seen now after 60 years of a gradually increasing bombardment of scatological ‘humor’. It’s like the wiggers we see about us who have grown up seeing nothing else in popular culture but the defication of the magical nigger.
Jews have way too much sway over the popular culture at the moment. Not too mention other areas of our society, which has let them create myths, whether it’s persecution, exaggeration of group IQ, denial of networking/ethnic cronyism, the list is seemingly endless. A war is a war, even if it is being waged psychologically with one group for the most part unaware.
12 January, 2007 at 4:39 am
Hoosier, you are wasting your time if you think the kike will take up your offer. Kikes are only tough when their victims are helpless. After all, you have to be hard as nails to shoot a 12 year old Palestinian girl on her way to school, or beat up pregnant women, or bomb hospitals from ten thousand feet. When the object of their hatred is at their mercy then the typical jewboy is really tough. It is interesting though that the brave, invincible, multi-billion dollar hebe army had some problems when they meet some well-trained men who didn’t believe the propaganda. What a tribe!
12 January, 2007 at 6:21 am
Hoosier, I use proxys so these cocksucker ‘antis’ don’t grab my info. I have to say your post describing Goldberg’s family had me LMAO. Hilarious stuff.
12 January, 2007 at 7:00 am
Inbred trash Jew Goldberg whined:
As far as Freud goes… what’s the fascination here? He’s a well respected theorist on human behavior and some of his opinions are bullshit, but most of them are proven by scientific research. Something you probably would have no understanding of (obviously).
He’s a filthy lying Yid, just like you are, Jew boy. Freud is considered discredited by most psychologists, and none of his dirty Yiddy “theories” have been proven by scientific research – something you have no understanding of (obviously). I have little doubt that wanting to kill daddy so you can fuck mommy is normal in YOUR household, Jew Boy, but it’s not normal in mine or anybody else that I know of.
I’m sure you’re quite familiar with psychoanalysis, from a personal point of view, Jew Goldberg. But it’s just another Yid swindle to extract shekels and give nothing of value in return. In your case, even your Jew shrink is probably tired of your endless whining and fantasizing about “kicking the ass of Nazis”
I’ll check my email in a couple of days, dirty lil’ Yid, since you want to get into fights with White (Inter)Nationalists. I’ll give you a little time to set up your time and place with Drin Shtino since you said, “I would love nothing more than to kick the shit out of all of you conformist sheep.”
Here’s your chance, big mouth. Such an opportunity for a brave, tough talking Jew such as yourself, eh?
12 January, 2007 at 11:10 am
Hey, can’t I have a little fun? I know I can be crude, but I like getting right into the mud and dirt from time to time. I’ll check my email in a couple of days.
True about the proxies, “The List is True” but I’m not very technically knowledgeable about email stuff, but they can’t put things on my computer if I’m at a remote location. After the Kevin Strom thing, I don’t want to take any chances, slim they may well be, of some nitwit sending me kiddie porn and then calling the authorities. “A clean hard drive is a happy hard drive.”
12 January, 2007 at 11:45 am
first i grab you with my hook nose… then the fucking jew horns go right into your chest. Then i have a blood-letting ritual with my rabbi.
Sound fun?
That’s funny how you even blame the jews for the dimented pedophiles in your own group.
You blame the jews for wiggers and scat humor in your own group… you’re just TOO WEAK and HELPLESS to resist.
If it’s that easy to influence your people, then they must not be able to think for themselves. I guess that’s why they all want to be led by a dictator like Hitler. That’s something to be real proud of!
12 January, 2007 at 2:01 pm
So when do you want to hook up for a face to face, lil’ inbred Jew boy? Did you see my email address? But first you should respond to Drin Shtino, first, since he responded first. It’s only polite. I’ve noticed you haven’t responded yet to his first, and then secondly my gracious offer to give you the chance to “kick some Nazi ass.”
It’s your big chance to grab me or one of us with your hook nose and then skewer me in the chest with your fucking Jew horns. If you can do that, Then you and your smelly penis sucking rabbi can have a blood ritual.
12 January, 2007 at 3:02 pm
“That’s funny how you even blame the jews for the dimented pedophiles in your own group.”
I’m not blaming the Jews for what Kevin Strom may or may not have done. I don’t know what he did, but I’m guessing he did something fucked up – to what degree, I just don’t know. And neither do you, Jew boy Goldberg.
In any event, do you really think a JEW of all people should be pointing fingers at other’s sexual degeneracy? You have more sexual sickos in your gene pool than Carter has pills, and that’s a fact.
Now, I have to get some stuff done. I’ll check my email in a couple days or so.
12 January, 2007 at 3:24 pm
I’m not stupid… if i agreed to meet any of you, I’d wake up tied to a tree with a bunch of you shirtless homos sucking each other off.
The cops would probably find me with my dick in my mouth and a carrot up my ass! No thanks!
I don’t really have anything to GAIN from meeting you…. after all, I am a greedy jew who only cares about diamonds anyway.
12 January, 2007 at 6:03 pm
Inbred Jew boy Goldberg snivelled:
The cops would probably find me with my dick in my mouth and a carrot up my ass! No thanks!
Why would you be opposed to what you do on a regular basis anyway?
I’m not stupid… if i agreed to meet any of you, I’d wake up tied to a tree with a bunch of you shirtless homos sucking each other off.
I wish you’d stop projecting your sick Jew homoerotic sexual fantasies on other people. Tell it to your Jew shrink in your next psychoanalysis session. Jesus, you’re a disgusting piece of work, Jew boy. Just about everything you’ve said on here is a a lie, a distortion, or a projection.
As far as “ganging up on you” I can guarantee that I wouldn’t do that sort of thing, but only would assure my own safety. Of course, you’re projecting the way you “brave” Jews and anti-racist trash operate, a bunch ganging up on a person – preferably a sneak attack. That’s as obvious as the big hook nose on your inbred Jew boy face.
“I don’t really have anything to GAIN from meeting you…. after all, I am a greedy jew who only cares about diamonds anyway”
YOU’RE the one who said you wanted to kick our asses. We gave you the opportunity, ONE ON ONE, and now you’re acting just like a Jew. YOU”RE the one who said “I’m one Jew you don’t want to fuck with.” Well, you were fucked with, and you were offered to fight, like you said you wanted, and you’ve rolled over like a ‘lil dog. Thanks for a stellar demonstration of “Jewish Bravery.”
You’re broken, Jew boy. We all saw you go coward. To give credit where credit’s due, Drin Shtino did it really, I just came in for mop up. I did not read what he wrote until I had posted, but your sorry Jew boy ass is now seriously “owned.”
You’ve lost, and this is over, outside of the metaphorical online twitching of your ugly Jew boy corpse. Twitch away, You’re pathetic. I’m through with you. Fuck you and fuck your whole family. In fact, fuck your whole inbred trash Jew boy tribe.
13 January, 2007 at 12:43 am
Goldberg, you dirty Jew bastard! I am tired of you and your fellow Jews ploting to weaken our white Aryan race. You bastards are broadcasting sublimenal messages through TV and radio, putting fertility inhibiting chemicals in soft drinks (did you know that Mountain Dew- made by Jewish controlled Pepsi*- contains Yellow #5, which made my penis and testicals shrink until I stopped drinking it 5 years ago), and worst of all CONTROLING THE WEATHER!!!!
The Jewish Neocons ( aka the Mossad agents who control the US government on behalf of your evil state of “Israel”) have been trying to control the weather with sattelites that are part of the HAARP program. These sattelites beam ultraviolet and microwave lasers at the earth’s atmosphere to cause storms (this is called “ionispheric heating.”)
I am looking for Aryan warriors to help me knock these sattelites out of the sky. Does anyone here know how to take a sattelite out of orbit? I would like to buy a missile that goes into space, or an EMP generator, or else find an Aryan hacker to hack into the computer systems the Zionist Jews use to control their HAARP sattelites?
Please contact me at [email protected].
*Pepsi, the company that makes Mountain Dew, is an acranym for Pay Every Penny to Support Israel. Scientific studies performed by WN scientists show that Yellow #5 only inhibits the fertility of White men (not Negros, Mexicans, or Orientals); I know for a fact that Zionist Jews do not drink Mountain Dew because it is not even sold in Israel and it does not have the Kosher Tax stamp.