See this girl's goofy face? She knows better than you what is appropriate - and what isn't. One day she'll graduate from Oxford and snag a good-paying job in a cushy office building telling wage slaves like you what to do -and when to do it. But in the meantime she doesn't want you making any noise clapping your hands because doing so might "trigger" someone.

When America was almost all-white, we could clap our brains out...

But not anymore. Now we are being told to demonstrate our applause by doing this...

It's catching on fast, so much so that the idea has even traveled into the past and is already turning up in 1960's TV shows....

Soon, every Heeb in the world will be demanding that you follow along...or else.

So is there any solution to the spread of jazz hands, and its sinister war against old-fashioned hand-clapping?

Yes, there is.

Because in order to stop jazz hands, we must fight back with....

Maybe. But it's our only chance to stop the spread of jazz hands. Even if some of us must make the ultimate sacrifice...