Well, I’ve enjoyed 2 coontact episodes in as many days! Yesterday, I went into Ace Hardware to buy a new cordless phone. A rotund brillo in a red Ace vest loped up to me (almost gave him a quarter for the organ grinder):
“Kin ah hep ya?”
“Do you have cordless phones?”
(One eye closes right, the other goes Full Rochester with the tremendous thought-strain): “Ova heah”.
Cuffey directed me to a locked cage, then wandered off. I could only see the price tags though the mesh, not the phone details. I didn’t have enough money with me, so I had to walk out to the car (at the far end of the midday parking lot, of course) for more wampum. When I get back in the store, the boogie has gone on his banana break or something, so I ask an old White employee to open the cage so I can choose a phone:
“Oh, I’m sorry, sir - I’m afraid we don’t carry cordless phones.”
“But - are you sure? The black guy said…”
“No sir. No cordless phones. Sorry.”
Today’s mandatory multicultural enrichment suppository was inserted in Kroger. First, I laid the store savings card on the conveyor, thinking that the shaniqua posing as a cashier might have just enough sense to swipe it without being told to - ya know, like human cashiers always do - but I was disappointed. Then as I was waiting in vain for it have the common courtesy to tell me the total, the rubba-lip’t nigho actually started perusing a magazine I purchased:
“Look at dem pitchas!” it said to the spic puta bagging the groceries.
Welcome to da Jungle/We got fun ‘n’ games……..

N.B. Forrest

More...