I'm a Jewish girl and I want to marry a black guy...

Mrs. Shaffer: Welcome......how can I help you?:)
Nina: hi

Mrs. Shaffer: hi

Nina: i have a really important issue to talk about

Mrs. Shaffer: ok

Nina: im a jewish girl, dating a goy [Ed. note: non-Jew]

Nina: hes black

Nina: i know its not accepted, and its causing a lot of conflict between me and my parents

Mrs. Shaffer: I imagine it must be

Nina: they tell me they don't accept him but im deaply in love with him

Mrs. Shaffer: how old are you?

Nina: 21

Nina: i just wish everybody could get along

Nina: and im having trouble with that because of his color

Mrs. Shaffer: it's because of his color??

Mrs. Shaffer: or because he's not Jewish?

Nina: his color

Mrs. Shaffer: then you're dealing with racism

Nina: because he would have no trouble converting

Mrs. Shaffer: but that's not the real issue

Mrs. Shaffer: he's willing ot take on all the responsibilities of being Jewish?

Mrs. Shaffer: Shabbat, Yom Tov, Kashrut, Tefillin....?

Nina: yes

Mrs. Shaffer: etc...etc...

Mrs. Shaffer: with or without you?

Nina: yes
Nina: i think they r very close minded

Mrs. Shaffer: I don't know what to tell you about that

Mrs. Shaffer: Judaism doesn't recognize color, the real issue is that you're Jewish and he's not

Nina: exactly

Mrs. Shaffer: and this is huge...huge....and crucial to your life

Nina: its killing me inside

Nina: my mother just arrived but she would never accept... she needs explanations about this

Nina: is it that bad to be in this relationship?

Nina: what is the best way to approach this topic?

Mrs. Shaffer: speak to a rabbi

Mrs. Shaffer: speak to someone whom you respect

Nina: because i dont want to be disrespectfull toward my parents

Mrs. Shaffer: have you someone you can talk to? have you been discussing this with anyone?

Mrs. Shaffer: or are you dealing with this alone?

Nina: mostly alone, ive tried contacting the rabbi that was my teacher back in high school but i have no response yet

Mrs. Shaffer: tell me a bit about yourself...ok?

Nina: ok, what would u like to know?

Nina: i grew up in a modern semi-religious family

Mrs. Shaffer: ok...

Mrs. Shaffer: schooling...?

Nina: i was always around different nationalities

Nina: went to a jewish school for the most part but currently in university

Nina: i guess i just have more of an open mind

Nina: but now that my relationship with this man is serious, and because he's black makes it difficult

Nina: i believe its more a matter of color than anything else, and i just dont see it that way

Mrs. Shaffer: your'e right about that

Mrs. Shaffer: color isn't the issue at all

Mrs. Shaffer: not in any even remote way....except for hate issues of bigotry which are antithetical to Judaism

Mrs. Shaffer: but a very, very large issue is his being not Jewish

Nina: does it make me less of a jew because my boyfriend is black??

Mrs. Shaffer: so this is really what you have to give a great deal of thought to

Mrs. Shaffer: what city are you in?

Nina: in xxxxxxxxx
Mrs. Shaffer: oh wonderful....I love xxxxxxxxx

Nina: thats nice

Mrs. Shaffer: first things first:

Mrs. Shaffer: first....you have to be clear that you're making a good decision

Nina: ok, then what?

Mrs. Shaffer: are you familiar with anyone in Chabad in xxxxxxxxx?

Nina: not really

Mrs. Shaffer: what university are you at?

Nina: im in xxxxxxx

Mrs. Shaffer: this is what I think:

Nina: ok....

Mrs. Shaffer: I think that before you make any life decisions, you have to be very sure and clear about who you are and about your identity

Mrs. Shaffer: know what I mean?

Nina: yes, im completely sure about that

Mrs. Shaffer: so this is what I'd recommend.....I think you should call one of the Chabad rabbis (I like Chabad's perspective) and discuss this whole thing with him

Mrs. Shaffer: one thing'll be absolutely clear....skin color isn't an issue.... and this the rabbi will be quite clear about

Nina: i see

Mrs. Shaffer: at issue, really, is you and he....and your soul...and your life...and your children...etc...etc...

Mrs. Shaffer: everyting but skin color
Nina: but like i said he would convert

Mrs. Shaffer: ok..great....so he'll have to speak with a rabbi to do that

Mrs. Shaffer: and be sure he consults only an orthodox rabbi...

Nina: y an orthodox rabbi

Mrs. Shaffer: y'know what...all this is kind of premature...

Mrs. Shaffer: first things first....

Mrs. Shaffer: get in touch with one of the Chabad rabbis and tell them I sent you

Mrs. Shaffer: and tell them what you're struggling with

Mrs. Shaffer: no charge...no questions asked....just answers to your questions

Nina: ok, i appreciate ur concerns

Mrs. Shaffer: and stay in touch, ok?

Nina: i will

Mrs. Shaffer: I always love chatting with someone from xxxxxxxxx

Mrs. Shaffer: you can always reach me here...either live, or via email

Nina: thank u

Mrs. Shaffer: xxxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxxxx.com

Mrs. Shaffer: email me....and I'll try to get some names/numbers of a rabbi or two who I think you'll like

Mrs. Shaffer: what're you doing for Shabbat tonight? any plans?

Nina: nope no plans

Mrs. Shaffer: want a good dinner?

Mrs. Shaffer: with that old wonderful shabbat vibe....?

Nina: ok..

Mrs. Shaffer: hold on....I have to find the number for you.....don't go away.....

Nina: ok

Mrs. Shaffer: ok...

Mrs. Shaffer: call Rabbi xxxxxxx

Mrs. Shaffer: (XXX) XXX-XXXX

Mrs. Shaffer: tell them I sent you

Mrs. Shaffer: great food...great vibe....

Nina: i really appreciate this

Mrs. Shaffer: and if you feel like it....you might want to talk to them....if you don't feel like it, then it's just shabbat dinner

Mrs. Shaffer: ok...call now

Nina: ok

Mrs. Shaffer: you'll love them... and they've got the cutest kids!

Nina: ok ill let u go now

Mrs. Shaffer: call t hem now...before they light candles....

Nina: what time does shabbat start?

Mrs. Shaffer: in about a half hour

Nina: ok,,,

Mrs. Shaffer: and Kiddush/dinner at about 8

Nina: bye for now

Mrs. Shaffer: Shabbat shalom

Nina: shabat shalom