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brutus · 2004-11-06T02:08:29Z

It’s a cold and quiet night. All you can hear is the whir from your computer’s exhaust fan and the tapping of keys on the keyboard as you type a vulgar diatribe to a posted news report on VNN about, how a 28 year old nigger junkie, who snuck into the Hospice at 3AM in the morning and buttfucked a 103 year old White woman to death. When suddenly, from outside, you hear the screeching of car tires followed by a loud crash. You leap from your chair and run to the door, and there, in the middle of your front yard, a car, engulfed in flames, is T-boned around that huge grandfather oak tree. It’s readily apparent that the driver, who’s skeletal shadow can be seen outlined in flames is a crispy critter. You grab the cordless and dial 911. While you are awaiting for the cops to arrive, you stare transfixed and mesmerized as flames lick out of that poor sucker’s eye sockets and then the skull nods slightly to the right, then to the left and then falls off the charred torso and disappears into the flames of the backseat. It’s just then, when you notice the bag. A large military-type duffle bag, laying on the lawn about 10 feet from the burning wreck. It must have been ejected out of the car when it hit the tree. But you aren’t going to go after it..........Who knows? The gas tank could blow any second? And then you see the small pieces of litter around the partially opened duffle bag, no wait! It‘s not litter! It’s money! Looks like big bills, too! About a dozen of them!...........and they’re just laying right there, on your front lawn! You’re no fool! Fuck-it, if that gas tank might blow..........and a piece of jagged fender lops-off your head! You’ve got a double electric bill that’s not been paid and your car needs new tires..............You rush to the bag and start to scoop the loose bills into the bag and then, to your astonishment, you realize that the bag is stuffed full of cash. Heavy cash! The bag must weigh at least 300 pounds! That’s when you hear the sirens and you can see the reflections of the emergency lights on the tops of the trees indicating that they are close and getting closer fast. You feel the searing heat of the fire on your face as you pull the closure cords of the bag shut and you drag that bag, you drag it like a wild man up toward the house and you roll it under an azalea bush next to the front porch, just as a black and white skids to a stop right in front of your home. Did he see you? Did the cop see what you were doing? You play it like he didn’t and you run-out to meet the cop who is sprinting to the burning car with a hand-held fire extinguisher. His extinguisher hardly makes a dent in the fire and finally the cop backs-off as he sees the fire trucks arrive and he leaves it up to them to finish putting-out the fire. As the fire rescue is knocking down the fire, the cop asks you, “What happened?” You tell him everything.....................everything, except about the duffle bag. With a skeptical eye, the cop asks you, “Why is the left side of your face so red? Did you get close to the fire for some reason?” You are clever and a fast thinker. You tell him that you got close to the car, because you thought that the guy might still be alive and you might have had a chance to save his life, but it was no use.............You hang your head in sorrow for effect. Then the cop asks you, “What were you doing under that bush by the front of the house when I drove up?” You think to yourself, “Oh shit!..........Did he see the bag?”...........You stammer and bit, then regain your composure, and then in a move that a politician would have envied, you lie and say, “I was looking for my garden hose to try to put out the fire.” The cop says, “Nice try!..........................But I think that, that fire was so hot, a little garden hose wouldn’t have made a dent in that inferno!” “Too bad, that big old tree looks like you may have to have it cut down.” “Thank you for calling us and giving us a hand, take it easy..............You might want to put some Solarcaine on that face.” You think to yourself, “Holy shit!..............He buy’s it!”, but you say, “Thanks, officer, It’s just too bad the guy didn’t make it.” The cop nods and walks away. After the fire trucks put out the fire and the coroner's office extracted the charred corpse and wheeled it away and the wrecker removed the twisted wreckage, you are finally left alone..................just you and that heavy duffle bag full of money. You bring it into the house...............careful that no one sees you, and you begin to count. After the first million, you have to stop, take a break and have a beer. You have butterflies in your stomach as you stare at the stacks of money piled on the kitchen table, and you look back ...

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Anonymous

(@anonymous)

Posts: 84005

Illustrious Member Guest

Well, you could have your pick of almost any country in the world then.

Except Izrael!

Posted : 06/11/2004 7:39 pm

LindaLou

(@lindalou)

Posts: 908

Prominent Member

Its going to look very suspicious for someone to travel across the world to Syria with a briefcase of 8.25 million dollars. And goodluck on getting that through airport scanners!

LOL Damn I thought that trick would work.

Posted : 06/11/2004 7:49 pm

Anonymous

(@anonymous)

Posts: 84005

Illustrious Member Guest

Take the 8 million and buy a banknote printing press.

Posted : 06/11/2004 8:45 pm

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