I really wish the jebus cult were dead and gone so I could belay a villain I detest nearly as much: nature. Well...nature cultists.

Nature is always depicted as this quivering virginal tree, beset by ten maniacs with chainsaws and NHL-approved Jason facemasks.

In reality, human society is like a woman on a chaise lounge about to be attacked on all sides by a bunch of green-clad nature ninjas.

Nature is a sort of 24/7/365 wrestling competition. Wrestling is the most exhausting of sports because you're matched with others of almost exactly the same weight. In nature, the profit margins are extremely small. There's always some other life forms trying to move in on your territory and you have just enough or not quite enough strength to ward them off/move in on their territory.

I love watching shows like "Swamp Loggers" where forest niggers are cut down in the prime of life, and stored up on trucks like so many communist jews in German boxcars, and shipped off to the mill to be civilized. Trees really are green niggers. All they do is loiter and litter, just like the real niggers sleeping in their branches.

People who talk about 'becoming one with nature' have always amused and disgusted me. They have it exactly backward: the goal is to prevent nature from becoming one with you. What does nature actually do? It shits pollen into your nasal cavities, it pricks poison under your skin, it rips red slashes on your legs. The minute you turn around you're being pelted with rain or iceballs from her clouds, assassinated or disdwellinged by tornados descended from her heavens or signed to high-interest loans by her jews.

Nature? Put her to sleep, sez I.