Is there no humiliation that White men won't cheerfully accept?

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http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006240815,00.html

I want to be pink like Dad

By ANTONELLA LAZZERI
and JOHN KAY
Chief Reporter

THE white dad whose wife had Asian twins in an IVF blunder told yesterday how his son declared: “I want to be pink like you, Daddy.”

He said he replied: “Well, I want to be brown like you — that’s why I sit out in the sun. He laughed at that.”

The dad and his white wife, who we will call Mr and Mrs A, were speaking for the first time since The Sun’s world exclusive 2002 story about the test tube bungle.

We told then how the twins, now six, were born after an Asian man’s sperm was wrongly used to impregnate eggs from Mrs A at a fertility clinic run by Leeds NHS Trust.

Yesterday Mr and Mrs A, both 35, revealed their life is an extraordinary mixture of TORMENT over the mix-up — coupled with JOY at having two beautiful children they “love to bits”. In an emotional interview the couple, who cannot be identified by law, also told how they were:

THRUST into a nightmare that shattered their world and threatened their marriage.

STILL surviving on anti-depressants to combat stress.

FORCED to fight for nearly three years for DNA tests establishing the twins’ parentage; and

OBLIGED to adopt the kids in an £80,000 process that was opposed by the Asian man, who has sought contact with the twins and wants to be recognised as their proper father.

The couple said they had made a pact to be truthful to the dark-skinned, dark-eyed twins — a boy and a girl — about the blunder.

They have moved house so the children can attend a mixed-race school.

They cope with tricky questions about different skin colours by simply saying the kids are adopted. And though they originally planned to have a large family, they vowed not to try for more children.

Mr A, a businessman, said: “We decided it wasn’t fair on the twins. I told my wife I couldn’t bear the thought that at some time in the future they might feel we loved their sisters or brothers more because those kids were ‘ours’ and white. Our twins are enough. They are the most lovely kids ever. We adore them.”

The couple, who had been trying for children for six years, told how their lives changed forever the instant the error was discovered.

Mrs A said: “I was physically sick. The thought that I’d had children with a stranger felt like a violation in itself. Our happiness at having our longed-for babies was shattered. My greatest sadness is that my husband is not the biological father of our children.

“All we wanted was a family. Instead we were landed with a nightmare that will last forever.

“At the moment our children are happy and well balanced. But we have been warned by experts that as they grow up their colour and parenthood will become an issue and they may react badly. We live with that worry every day.” The couple finally decided to tell their story to reveal the extent of their ordeal in the hope it never happens to others.

Holding his wife’s hand, Mr A said: “What happened threatened our marriage and our whole existence. Many men in my position would have walked away and that’s what my wife feared when we discovered the truth.

“She was scared I would reject the twins AND her. But that never entered my mind. My children know I am not their biological father and that there is a ‘real’ daddy somewhere. But they also know I love them totally. And they love me.”

Grabbing her husband’s hand, Mrs A told him: “I just felt so upset for you.”

She also revealed that after the initial shock about Mr A not being the dad, she was terrified tests would show that her eggs had not been used for the IVF, that she was not the kids’ mum — and they would be “taken away”. But in the end her fears proved unfounded.

The couple struggled to remain composed as they told how the twins asked them for the first time: “Why have we got brown skin?”

It happened two years ago and at first the kids’ questions were brushed off. But soon afterwards the parents decided to tell them the truth.

They sat the twins down and told them: “You know you were IVF babies. Well, when the doctor created you, he used a brown man’s sperm instead of Daddy’s. But we are so glad he did because we have got you two and you are so special.” Wringing her hands, Mrs A added: “A few days later my son asked, ‘Why did they use a brown man’s sperm?’ I just didn’t know what to say.”

The parents realised they needed support and have since been helped by social workers and counsellors. But so far, the children are coping well. Mrs A smiled wryly as she said: “My daughter came home from school the other day and said her friend had asked, ‘Why are you brown and your mummy and daddy are white?’

“I asked her what she had said and she replied firmly, ‘I told her they had used a brown man’s sperm.’ And that was that, they went off to play.

“At the moment they deal with it very well. They realise they are different but also know they are very loved by us. They are happy, balanced children and we hope they stay that way.”

The mum added: “We have only had one racist moment. My son was playing with a white child at the doctor’s and his mum came and pointedly moved him away.

“It broke my heart but I wasn’t going to show my son I was upset.

“Obviously we worry about racism in the future. But we have moved house so the children can go to a mixed-race school. They have white and Asian friends.

“We still get looks when we are out as a family. But I’ve learned to cope with it better. If anyone asks we just say the children are adopted. Then people shut up.”

But there have been lighter moments along the way. And the pair laughed as they remembered when they took the children to a private clinic for a DNA test.

Mr A said: “The man doing the test didn’t know anything about our circumstances. All he saw was a married white couple sitting with two very obviously mixed-race children sitting on their laps.

“We were asking for a paternity test while being very affectionate to each other. The poor bloke was bewildered. I imagine he thought my wife had been unfaithful and I was Britain’s most forgiving man.”

The current situation is not completely clear-cut. The Asian man has applied to be legally declared the twins’ father, which would give him some parental rights.

He opposed their adoption and is seeking contact with the kids.

Mr and Mrs A have been ordered by a court to send him twice-yearly reports on the children including school reports, letters about their lives and photos.

In return he sends them letters and photos of him and his wife.

Mrs A said: “We keep them for the children for when they get older. We try to be open. If they want to see their biological father we won’t stand in their way.

“But as far as we are concerned the twins are totally ours. My husband is their father and a brilliant father. They love him to pieces.”