[color="Red"]Screw your geeky charts and Graphs.

We'll just make the fucking rules as we go along.

Stocks Soar Worldwide on Bank Bailout, Curb on Short Sales
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=ak8MMZSJ.gMQ&refer=home

U.S. stocks surged in the biggest two-day global rally in 38 years as the government announced plans to purge banks of bad assets and crack down on speculators who drove down shares of financial companies.

The Standard & Poor's 500 Index jumped 4 percent, capping its steepest two-day gain since the aftermath of the 1987 crash. The Dow Jones Industrial Average added 929 points from yesterday's low and markets from the U.K. to China advanced the most ever. U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson and Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke ignited the rally by proposing to shore up banks' balance sheets and guaranteeing money-market mutual funds, while the Securities and Exchange Commission banned short sales of financial firms.

Washington Mutual Inc. rose 42 percent, Wachovia Corp. climbed 29 and Citigroup Inc. added 24 percent among the 15 companies in the in the S&P 500 Financials Index to jump more than 20 percent. General Electric Co. added 7.4 percent.

``What the government and its regulatory agencies have tried to do here is restore some confidence and remove some fear,'' Robert Doll, chief investment officer of global equities at New York-based BlackRock Inc., which manages $436 billion in stocks, told Bloomberg Television. ``That will work in the short run and improve psychology.''

The S&P 500 advanced 48.57 points to 1,255.08 after a 4.3 percent gain yesterday. The Dow Jones Industrial Average surged 368.75, or 3.4 percent, to 11,388.44, capping its biggest two- day jump in six years. The Nasdaq Composite Index increased 74.8, or 3.4 percent, to 2,273.9. Eleven stocks advanced for every two that fell on the New York Stock Exchange.

Record Gains

The MSCI World Index of 23 developed nations increased 69.67, or 5.7 percent, to 1,286.44. It gained 8 percent over the past two days, the steepest advance since 1970. Europe's benchmark index climbed a record 8.3 percent today and Asia's added 5.5 percent.

The S&P 500 erased its decline for the week, ending 0.3 percent higher. The benchmark index for U.S. equities tumbled 4.7 percent twice in the past five days after Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. filed for bankruptcy, the U.S. government seized control of American International Group Inc. and Merrill Lynch & Co. was forced to sell itself to Bank of America Corp.

The S&P 500 is still down 15 percent this year, poised for its first annual decline since 2002. Until today, financial companies led the retreat as losses stemming from the first nationwide drop in home prices since the 1930s surpassed $500 billion.

A record 3 billion shares changed hands on the NYSE, more than double the three-month daily average. Goldman Sachs Group Inc. and Morgan Stanley, the last remaining major independent investment banks on Wall Street, rose more than 20 percent two days after falling the most ever.

`Worst Could Be Over'

``For sentiment the worst could be over for financials,'' said Neil Dwane, chief investment officer for Europe at Allianz Global Investors' RCM unit, where he helps oversee $65 billion.

Nine of 10 industry groups in the S&P 500 advanced as a better-than-estimated earnings forecast at Oracle Corp. helped boost technology companies by 2.9 percent and higher oil prices helped Chevron Corp. lead an advance among all 39 energy companies in the S&P 500.

Only consumer staples, the best performing group year-to- date, declined. Wal-Mart Stores Inc., the world's largest retailer, fell 2.9 percent to $59.70 for the biggest decline in the Dow average.

`Punch Drunk'

U.S. and European government bonds tumbled, shedding gains that yesterday drove the prices of some Treasury bills higher than their face value. The dollar rose the most since April against the yen, while the cost of default protection on corporate bonds dropped by the most since the bailout of Bear Stearns Cos. in March. Gold fell.

John Bogle, who created the $106 billion Vanguard 500 Index Fund in 1976, said the U.S. government is ``punch drunk'' given its proposals to rescue the financial system.

``We're playing a game of casino capitalism, interfering with the way the market is working,'' Bogle, 79, said in a telephone interview today from Valley Forge, Pennsylvania. ``The government seems punch drunk. It doesn't seem systematic.''

The S&P 500 Financials Index climbed 11 percent after a 12 percent gain yesterday, marking the best two-day advance since the gauge was created in 1989. The group started rallying late yesterday on word the government was formulating a new plan to shore up banks.

JPMorgan Chase & Co. rose 17 percent and Bank of America Corp. added 23 percent.

Short Sales

Wells Fargo & Co. and U.S. Bancorp, which avoided making the riskiest types of loans, rose to records. Genworth Financial Inc., the life and mortgage insurer spun off from General Electric Co. in 2004, surged 67 percent to $15.25 after falling 39 percent over the past four days.

The proposal from Paulson and Bernanke is aimed at isolating devalued mortgage-linked assets at the root of the worst credit crisis since the Great Depression. Congressional leaders said they aim to pass legislation soon.

Morgan Stanley advanced $4.66 to $27.21 as the SEC temporarily banned short-selling in shares of 799 financial companies to curtail the market rout. In a short sale, borrowed stock is sold and sellers profit if the shares fall and they can repay the loan with cheaper stock.

``It's going to take trading next week to disentangle what's real in the market and what may be short-covering,'' said William Knapp, investment strategist at MainStay Investments in New York, which manages $37 billion.

Morgan Stanley, Goldman

Morgan Stanley's Chief Executive Officer John Mack told employees this week investors betting on a decline in the firm's shares are ``driving our stock down.'' The company yesterday snapped seven days of losses, rising 3.7 percent after the three largest public pension funds stopped loaning shares of the company and Goldman Sachs Group Inc. to short sellers.

Goldman gained $21.80 to $129.80. Goldman, the biggest U.S. securities firm, and Morgan Stanley are seeking to avoid the type of run on their shares that helped trigger emergency sales of Merrill and Bear Stearns and the Sept. 15 bankruptcy by Lehman, once the fourth-biggest.

Short interest in financial stocks increased this year to 36 percent of all shares sold short in the S&P 500, the highest in eight years of data compiled by JPMorgan.

Bank of New York Mellon Corp. and State Street Corp. rose on speculation a Treasury Department plan to protect investors from losses on money-market mutual funds for a year will halt a surge of redemptions.

`Breaking the Buck'

A money-market fund run by Reserve Management Corp. this week became the first in 14 years to ``break the buck,'' or fail to maintain a share price of $1, after writing off investments in Lehman debt.

Asset management companies in the S&P 500 fell as much as 24 percent yesterday after investors pulled a record $89.2 billion from money-market funds on Sept. 17, according to data compiled by the Money Fund Report, a newsletter based in Westborough, Massachusetts. The group added 8.8 percent today.

Bank of New York, the world's largest custodian of financial assets, rose $4.13 to $35.70, rebounding from its lowest closing price since October 2005. State Street, the world's biggest money manager for institutions, jumped 2.5 percent after sliding as much as 55 percent yesterday.

Oracle advanced $1.32, or 7 percent, to $20.07. The second- largest software maker posted earnings that topped analysts' projections by 4.9 percent as clients bought more database programs and renewed contracts for upgrades.

Oil Advances

Oil rose for a third day, following equities higher as government measures to resolve the bank crisis drew investors back to financial markets. Crude for October delivery gained 6.6 percent to $104.33 a barrel on the New York Mercantile Exchange.

Exxon Mobil Corp., the biggest U.S. oil company, added 2.4 percent to $79.61. Chevron Corp., the second-largest U.S. oil company, climbed 5.9 percent to $87.80. Halliburton Co., the world's second-biggest oilfield services provider, increased 8.6 percent to $37.62.

UBS AG, the European bank hit hardest by the subprime market's collapse, added 32 percent. Deutsche Bank AG, Germany's largest bank, jumped 9 percent and Credit Suisse Group AG, Switzerland's second-biggest bank, climbed 19 percent