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UPS News Service

March 27 2006 – Pizza Italy

Jewish terrorists crash hijacked airliner into Italian Trade Tower

A few hours ago a jewish terrorist group identifying itself as “The Sword of Sharon” crashed a hijacked Boeing 666 into the world famous Pizza Trade Tower in Pizza Italy. Italian officials, stunned by the attack, are still looking for answers. Prior to impact, the big Boeing did a few aerobatic maneuvers indicating that the pilot probably had some previous aerobatic training. It wasn’t anything special, said a pilot on the ground who witnessed the demonstration, just a few wingovers, a lazy eight and then an Immelmann; it wasn’t anything like a snaproll or Lomchavak. After the completing the series of maneuvers the airliner made a beeline for the top of the tower.

So far the only clue officials have for the attack came from the terrorists themselves. Just seconds before the crash occurred, an air traffic controller who managed to contact the terrorist asked why the jews would commit such an atrocity. A jew identifying himself as Ira Goldberg and ringleader of the terrorists replied, “I dunno it just seemed like a good idea at the time – no wait that’s not it, we are making a political statement, Iran must not be allowed to build a nuclear weapons like Israel, Power to the . . . “, but before finishing the statement, the radio went dead. The Sword of Sharon is a radical militant offshoot of the Likudites, a group that prides itself in denying any change in Israel’s policies towards their neighbors.

Although the impact of the large jet caused the tower to tilt at an alarming angle, fortunately it did not fall over. After the fire burned out, a large black sooty spot could be seen on the side of the tower. Later, a passing tourist found a fully bound, five-volume set of diaries written by the terrorists over the previous two years in which they trained for the attack. The volumes were in perfect condition along with a video tape containing a full explanation for the attack, however no other trace of wreckage was found at the crash site. There are also unsubstantiated rumors circulating that five Muslims were seen dancing the limbo and photographing jewish girls on the roof of a disco club immediately after the attack.When asked what action they might take Italian officials replied that the black sooty spot would be cleaned off, but the tower’s alarming angle would not be corrected. A manager for the trade tower Giuseppe Baglioni said “Italians are used to this kind of thing, very often this type of tragedy later turns out to be an excellent tourist draw.

Experts have been brought in to examine the tower to find out how it withstood the impact of the airliner. Demolition expert Ennio Moricconi was quoted as saying, “Are you kidding? This is a solid stone tower built in the 12th century, not some cheap, cheesy, steel structure that couldn’t stand up to a 10-minute burn.We use cheese on our Pizzas, not in our trade towers.” Asked about the possible future of the trade tower Giuseppe Baglioni said, “Up until this point the only thing Pizza was known for was it’s round, flat, pies with multiple toppings, but this changes everything; the important thing now is to find an appropriate name for the new angle on this thing – maybe the Tilting Trade Tower of Pizza. One thing is certain, we are not going to declare a global war on terror or something stupid like that.”

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